my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
