nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
