end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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