he puts the penis in happiness.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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