Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
