I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
