FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
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