I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
