The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
