careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I wish you could order shots online.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
