remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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