I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
