Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
