She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
