i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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