He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
