went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
