i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
