Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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