In the future we'll all be gay
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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