Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
