smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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