My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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