shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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