All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
