Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
she smelled like a LAN party
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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