Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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