Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
