You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
