You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
