remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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