So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We talked him into tasing himself.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
