I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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