Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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