so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
