Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
