i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
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