Will you blow on my dice?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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