My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
