I bet he comes in French.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
