He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
