just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
