I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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