her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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