What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
