I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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