Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You were trust falling into bushes
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
