We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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