I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Is it because I queefed?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
