he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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