gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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